Look at what I just found boys and girls...the 3rd Twilight trailer has been leaked!

I want to thank everyone who have left messages and commented on my last post. Ladies you are all wonderful! It was great returning to the warm thoughts and hugs. Blessings to you all!

Surgery is over and I got home on Tuesday afternoon. I'm doing alright for the moment, but I am weak and in a fair amount of pain. My doctor doesn't want me driving and would prefer that I not return to work or drive for two weeks.
( on and on... )

Well, later today I'll be in surgery to have the right kidney removed. I'm scared to death. I'll try to update as early as I can. I'm going to post a few videos that are sort of my soundtrack of the day. Let's start out with some humor. I'm a philosopher at heart, so I love this little song...
( listen to me ramblem )

Next post fandom. I mean it!!!

I have a date set for the removal of my kidney. It's not until the 27th of August. I'm not happy about that, because RCIA(the Catholic initiation classes I help with) and school will be back in session by then!!! I don't like that I'll have to take a week off to recover when work will actually need me. I wanted to avoid that, but the hospital couldn't get me in any sooner. I will also be staying in the hospital for that recovery period. Thank God I will have Tim's laptop and my cell, or it would really be hell.

I have to have this stupid tube in me until the 27th!! I really hate it. My mental state is in the crapper and I'm really not doing well. I can't get in to see my Psychologist about it till Tuesday, so I'm panicking and crying, which is making things worse. I have two Klonopin left and Tim is insisting I give him one when he goes to the dentist on Tuesday to get his dental work done. He is really being selfish about this, and I can't deal with it on top of everything else. So I've been diving into fandom, chatting, and playing with the computer. I can see myself doing just that all weekend. The fact that Tim has the day off tomorrow does not make me a happy camper! I think I will be giving him the silent treatment and having my pity party alone, thanks! I have plenty of good looking men right her in front of me to keep me amused, so who needs Tim anyway?

Twenty-twenty-twenty-twenty-four hours to go
I want to be sedated
Nothing to do, nowhere to go, oh
I want to be sedated

For all of you who wish I would get back to posting about fandom, I'll get to that soon. I'm seriously in need of a HUGE break from all of this stuff, so my up coming posts from here on out will be about nothing but sexy men with and without fangs! But for right now, I'm back with another update on my kidney situation. Please, just bear with me a little longer.
( long story ahead )

Well, I’ve made it through the day alive. Blood work and surgery-a nightmarish combination! A total of 6 needle sticks today; 5 of which were from the blood work. The nurse at the hospital used the magic vein that the Phlebotomist showed me last Friday. I tell you, I want to hunt that woman down and pledge my eternal love to her for finding that vein! If only there were a way to make her follow me from blood test to blood test, so she could be the one to draw my labs. How wonderful life would be!

Surgery was a big shock, because I wasn’t given anesthesia. Yep, I was awake the whole time, so I could hold my breath when they needed me to. See, the kidney was under the ribs, so they needed me to take a deep breath to push the kidney down with my lung. With my kidney away from the ribs, they could put the tube in it. I tell you that hurt like hell! Since the tube was being pushed through muscle, the muscle would spasm every time I took a breath.

Dr. Schwartz did order something to calm me down before we started the surgery. I still ended up panicking towards the end of the surgery. I had two nurses-one on each hand-talking and comforting me. Dr. Schwartz also tried to talk me through it. He really is a wonderful doctor.

Ok, it’s now Tuesday. I was so exhausted last night that I fell asleep trying to type this. LOL So I’ll just pick up were I left off.

After the surgery, I was in a lot of pain, so Dr. Schwartz let me have 2 Vicoden and I had to lie still for 4 hours. The Vicoden helped most of the pain, but I was still a bit sore. I did get a meal at the hospital, which was good, because I was starving.

I’m not moving around too well. I hurts to walk, move, and there is no way I’m bending over or squatting. I’m lucky to get in and out of bed, or get up or down off the couch. It’s a suck. Dr. Schwartz is hoping that the tube will be less painful for me than the stint was. He said it should get less painful for me in a few days. I’m hoping it gets better, because it feels really sore to me.

So now I wait so to see what I am able to catch in the bag on my hip. I’ll be wearing the bag for about 3 to 8 weeks and measuring what comes out. I’ll be measuring what I pass from my bladder as well, and comparing the two measurements. It what comes out of the bag is at least 30% of what is coming out of my bladder, then the kidney can be saved. Dr. Schwartz said he will find a way to get rid of the blockage, so the urine can get through and the kidney can start to recover. If it’s less than 30% then the kidney is not worth saving, and we will have to remove it.

There was a positive sign during the operation that showed the kidney might still be saved: the urine that came out was clear. This showed there was no infection and that the kidney is filtering the urine. So if it is dead, it must have just died. But there are chances that it is still alive.

I’ve also talked to my caseworker from Medicaid about changing my doctor today. The process has been started. For the next few 45 day I’ll still have to put up with the doctor I’ve been seeing, but after that I’ll be set up with my new doctor. She’s in the same building as Dr. PineMattas, so when Dr. PineMattas get’s set up on my Medicaid program I’ll be able to switch over to her with no problem and almost no wait.

So there might still be hope, gang. Keep your prayers and good vibes coming. Thanks for sticking with me. You’re all awesome! Peace and blessings to you all. <3 <3

I think I've mentioned before I've been sick and puking for the past 3 months, and I was sent to have some test done, which showed I had an enlarged kidney; this led me to my new Urologist-the Urologist I had last time was a nut, so I asked for someone else.

Anyway, the Urologist sent me for an x-ray(on Thursday morning), which involved contrast being injected into my veins. What it showed was that there's no blood going into my right kidney, which means it has shut down. He told me that if the ureter is completely blocked, you only have 6 weeks to get the blockage cleared before the kidney will stop working and die.
( The rest of the very loooooonnng story )

I went to the doctor and told him I was puking for the last 3 months. He thought I might have gall stones, and sent me to have a sonogram. Well, the sonogram showed that there were no stones, but it showed that my right kidney was enlarged. So now I have to get a CAT scan to look at the kidney. Blah, if it's not one thing it's another. Suck!

In some vampy news, MTV will be airing a scene from New Moon this Sunday. And it would figure that it will be the break up scene where Edward leaves Bella in the woods! Holy Kleenex and razorblades, how evil of Summit to do that to us!

I found this in lorikslady journal and thought I'd try it. I needed to try something fun and I must admit it was somewhat amusing.

The Ultimate LiveJournal Obsession Test
Category	Your Score	Average LJer
Community Attachment	9.68% You have one or two loyal pals on LJ... But you probably have better things to do with your time.	22.88%
MemeSheepage	5.26% You fill out forms at work - why should you fill them out for fun?	27.55%
Original Content	37.1% Some stories must be told - and you're the one to tell them	38.09%
Psychodrama Quotient	9.64% Had a comment taken out of context once or twice	16.58%
Attention Whoring	13.64% Slothfully Seeking Susan	20.66%
Take The Ultimate LiveJournal Obsession Test and see how you match up! (By The Ferrett)

Wow, apparently I can't even properly whore myself on LJ! XD WTF! That's just funny.

Well, I got the pregnancy test and it said I wasn't pregnant. I don't know whether I'm relieved or sad about it. I'm not happy, but at least I didn't screw up my disability case. I guess I'll have to tell Dr Shephard that we'll need a higher dose of meds next time I try the fertility thing. *sigh* Now I have to find out what is making me puke. Just what I need...one more thing to be wrong with me.

Woke up puking about 7:30 this morning...and my first thought was morning sickness. It would hold with the mighty Pharris luck that the one time I should not get pregnant, I would be. I don't know what made me puck. I was not sick at my stomach until I was ready to let it go. I tried to drink some water and eat 6 M&M's-to get the taste out of my mouth,but puked those up too. I've been sleeping every since. This is the week that I was due to have my period and I haven't had it yet. I'm supposed to wait till Tuesday to try a pregnancy test, but I might try one tomorrow. I hate this, because I don't know what to hope for. If I hope for a positive and have a baby, I'm kissing the disability case goodbye. If I hope for a negative then I have only a chance, not a guarantee of winning my case. Is there ever going to be a time when I can just have something good happen and I can simply be happy about it?

I just met with my lawyer of my disability case and she told me that getting pregnant right now would kill my case. I wanted to cry right there in her office. I have fought so hard and for so long on this that I can't quit now. I'll be quitting the fertility treatments. I'm going to wonder off and listen to Tori Amos' Little Earthquakes and have a good cry. Life sucks!

I just got word from Social Security that my appeal on my denial for disability was found in my favor! My case has been returned to an Administrative Law Judge and I might get to go back to court for another chance at it. This rarely ever happens and I am so excited. Something finally went right. Thank you Jesus!!! So there, Mr Judge! *sticks out tongue* That's what I think of you and your decision about my "not being disabled."

I'm still alive...for all of you who have been wondering. But I must admit that so far 2009 has proven to be a very trying year so far for myself and my family. Don't let the title fool you, I haven't left my husband to turn to the other side. I'll explain the subject line in a bit.
( Blood Ties ) ( Twilight ) ( Moonlight ) ( Laurell K Hamilton ) ( Me )
I'm going to end with a wallpaper I made with a lovely scan provided from the oh so generous tigerpal. I call it, "Pretty Tied Up." It features Atsushi and U-ta from Buck Tick.

Ok, it's meme time. I don't typically post these in my LJ, but I'm going to make an exception since I know some of my you are meme fans. And, I'm curious.

Rules:
Once you've been tagged, grab your mp3 player You do have one right? This
is 2009 you know? ;). Next, write a note with the first 10 songs that play when you set the player to random/shuffle. Don't fast forward just to get the cooler song. Be truthful! If you'd like, you can pass along some comments about the song. At the end, choose (up to) 10 people to be tagged.

I tag: tigerpal, speedygz, and lorikslady.

Here are my results...

1. Elsewhere - Sarah McLachlan
2. Kamikaze - Kagrra
3. Landslide - Olivia Newton-John(don't judge, I'm an '80s girl!)
4. At Last - Cyndi Lauper(just read above.)
5. Another World - Gackt
6. Tacoland - Dead Milkmen(I'm a bit odd.)
7. Shock to the System - Billy Idol
8. Umbrella - Buck Tick(about time the boys showed up!)
9. Motel 13 - Buck Tick
10. You won't make a fool out of me - Flogging Molly

Believe it or not, I do actually have stuff on my iPod that is not Japanese or really old. It's really funny that none of that stuff came up, though.

I had to do this. It was just to funny for me to pass up. Turn up your speakers. Not too loud if you're at work, there are some naughty words. And it is funnier if you miss. Hit the apple.

I just want to warn everyone right off that this post will be nothing constructive. It will just be me doing a lot of griping and moaning about my life. I'll try to post a vampire/fandom post sometime soon, but for now I have to vent.
( Here I go. )
Well, if you read that shameful bit of b****ing, I thank you. You are a wonderful friend. You're still nice if you didn't read it.

After a year and 8 months, I finally updated my website. I suck so bad. I just added the first chapter to my vampire story, but, hey, that's an update!

For those who went to Deviant Art and tried to view my story, but didn't have accounts...I'm sooooooooo sorry. I forgot that I is set up so that you can't see it unless you have proven your age. In short, you have to be a member of DA to see it. So here is a link to where I have it on my site...Link. I'll try to have more chapters up this week. I've stopped using Word to do the HTML, and started doing the HTML myself; so it's taking me a bit longer to get the chapters up. I like it better this way, though.

I finally put chapter one of my vampire story, In A Darkened Room, up on Deviant Art. I'll more than likely put up chapter two when I'm done typing this. If you would like to read it. You can find it here. It will be in the gallery with the rest of my stuff.

Keep in mind that I do use a lot of Christian ideology and themes. However, this is not Christian fiction. I will be giving time to the Wiccan faith as well in this story. It also will have bad language, sex and violence.

Here's the summary I wrote up for other sites I have put it on. I have it on Paper Demon, FicWad, and Fiction Press.

Meet church mouse Maire, a young girl who lives in a one bedroom apartment with her cat, Justin. She's just an ordinary girl. Ordinary in every way, unless you believe she really does talk to angels. One night Maire's world is turned upside down when she is given the mission to save the soul of a handsome stranger named Touya. The only catch is, Touya is a vampire who doesn't want to be "saved." Can she help Touya to recover his lost faith, or will he tempter her beyond her limits? Follow along and see who saves who.

I really suck at writing summaries. It says nothing about the dark humor. I guess it was a fail. We'll see. Let me know if you like it.

Things have been crazy in my life since October. I'll try to give the short version, but as we all know, my short version is usually long too. XD
( ... )